


Gradual Decay

by LucyRed



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: 2nd person POV, Agender Frisk, Angst, Genderless Frisk, Hurt/Comfort, Nonbinary Frisk, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, You've been warned, frisk hates themselves too, not much i can say without spoilers but, sans hates frisk, this is going to be very, very very sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2016-08-31
Packaged: 2018-06-02 13:04:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6567514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LucyRed/pseuds/LucyRed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>RESET after RESET, failure after failure, death after death…<br/>They’d tried everything. But their mistake, their decision to turn from MERCY, had a permanent consequence. No matter how many times they tried to reach their happy ending again, in the end...all their friends became dust, and faces crossed out in red smears.<br/>Because they had been ‘curious’.<br/>They’d seen enough.<br/>There was only one solution left - and it was their everything. But for the lives of everyone...to amend their mistakes, and to end all suffering...they would sacrifice it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Don't Look Over Your Shoulder

“Just what are you up to, huh?”

You slid down to your seat against the wall, resting your arms over your knees and staring numbly at Flowey as he blocks the door to Snowdin.

“You’ve been through here  _ hundreds _ of times, either to ‘save’ those garbage ‘friends’ of yours  _ again _ , or to  _ kill them all _ . And you’ve  _ never _ hidden from her before!” The flower tilts his head, grinning at you, “ _ Too ashamed to face your own mom?” _

Swallowing, you look away from him and clench the fist you have wrapped around your stick. You left the knife and the ribbon where they were. You didn’t want Toriel to notice a single thing out of place. Slipping past her hadn’t been easy, but you managed. You’d tucked yourself away in the corner next to the door, silently continuing into the ruins when her back was to you. She had probably been on her way to visit Chara’s grave.

“Are you gonna cry?” Flowey jeers at the sad expression on your face, “Are you gonna cry about it, like you always do over the dust of your  _ murder victims _ ? Go ahead! Maybe this time it will make the guilt go away!”

The sarcasm stings. You keep from flinching though. You’ll let him say his piece. It might be the last time you ever have a conversation with the flower. It’d be mean to try and skip past it. Anyway...it wasn’t like you didn’t deserve to be reminded of all your sins.

“Stop ignoring me!” He shrieks, jolting you and causing you to lift your head up, staring at him, “Tell me what you’re doing! You think you can surprise me?! Am I going to be a toy in this game of yours, too?!”

Quickly you shake your head, standing up and taking a step towards him.

“Don’t come near me!” Flowey spits at you as he backs away, looking like a cornered animal, “Your LV is only at 1! I can still kill you!”

You stop, lifting your hands tiredly and taking a step back. He has every right to be suspicious of you, to be poised to kill. How many times have you killed him? How many times have you cut him to pieces...or was it really even you at that point?

The soulless creature glares at you silently for a full minute, watching your every twitch. A dark, unamused smile twists onto his expression after a while, and he relaxes a bit, “Eager to get going, huh? Well! Don’t let me stop yah, best friend!” He moves out of the way of the door, watching as you approach it slowly, “Good luck with the trash bag - I’m sure he’ll be just  _ giddy _ to see you again!”

And with that final piece of subtle advice, the plant disappears into the ground.

You’re shaking a bit as you slowly push open the giant door and step out into the ankle-deep snow, and it’s not because of the cold. Sans...you know he’s gotten so tired of playing along. There’s no dust to be found on you this time, but you aren’t so sure that would stop him from…

...well, you don’t know. Killing you is obviously pointless, and so he probably wouldn’t consider that an option. You have no idea what he would do if he found you here again. And that’s far more terrifying than anticipating death, no matter how frequent or gruesome.

But you rushed through the ruins, fleeing from every fight to avoid wasting time and sprinting down the basement stairs before Toriel could even know you were ever there. You hope that this has given you enough of a head start that you can avoid both of the skeleton brothers. As much as you love them both (even though one of them hates you with all his life), you don’t want them to have to get involved in what you’re about to do. It’s mostly Papyrus you want to protect. The last thing you want is for the poor monster to be haunted by guilt. He’s too innocent to play a part in your plan.

Up ahead you can see the wide gate over the bridge. Just drawing near to it makes your spine stiffen in anticipation and dread. Even though you can no longer look  _ any  _ of your friends in the eye, Sans is the worst. You burn up like paper under the heat of his glare, and no matter how wide his smile, you can see the absolute  _ hatred _ and fury in his eye sockets.

You no longer have to be standing in the Judgment Hall to feel your sins crawling up your back. You just have to glance at him, and you’re reminded of every last kill and RESET. You’re reminded of just how dirty your hands are, and how unredeemable your SOUL is.

There’s a slight gust of wind and you give a violent shiver as you stop in your tracks.

It’s not the cold that makes you tremble.

“H u m a n...d o n ‘ t  y o u  k n o w  h o w  t o  g r e e t  a n  o l d  p a l?”


	2. All You Have to Give

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After going through the motions, Frisk is finally given a chance to explain to Sans what their plan is.

You think about running, but decide against that quickly. As nervous as you are, you don't want to make him even more suspicious. And fleeing from him would only give him all the more reason to believe that your motives for this timeline are cruel.

    So you take in a breath and slowly turn around, trying to look up at him but failing miserably. You keep staring at the snow, pressing your arms tightly against your chest and chipping away nervously at the bark on the stick with your fingernails. It's not death you're scared of - you've killed Sans so many times that it's hard to be as terrified of his power as you used to be. But he's left the script behind, just like you. And it's the fear of the unknown that makes you tremble. You can't face an attacker that you can't predict.

    **“look me in the eye.”** Sans says calmly, putting a finger under your chin and forcing your gaze up. His eye sockets are pitch black, but his grin is as wide and friendly as ever, **_“And tell me exactly what it is ya think you’re doin’ here.”_**

    Now that you’ve made eye contact, you can’t break your stare away. There’s an anxious feeling of being trapped when you can’t seem to turn your head left or right. You drop the stick you’ve been clinging to like a lifeline and raise your shaking hands, ‘I’m not going to hurt anyone.’

    Sans laughs. Worst of all, it sounds completely genuine and cheerful. The void in his stare is the only thing there is that shows his true emotions. You swallow and hug yourself tightly, clenching your fists and feeling your nails dig into your palms. You wish he would just openly hate you - it would make things a lot more straightforward.

  **“sure, kid. just like every other time you weren’t gonna hurt anybody, right? gotta admit, you tricked me the first couplea times.”** The skeleton puts both hands back in his pockets, winking one eye at you, **“i mean, you played nice enough. ya didn’t lift a finger to hurt anybody. ya even brought us all to the surface. i’ve got a lotta good memories from those runs.”** His voice turns cold, and your very SOUL shudders in fear. _**“it’s too bad that you murdered us all anyways.”**_

    You wince in pain and take a step back, ducking your head down further as the force of his glare pushes you further away. Of course Sans thinks that those killings are your fault, too. You’ve never told anybody about Chara. As if Sans would even believe such a ‘devil made me do it’ excuse. It was your hand that swung the knife, even if it wasn’t you moving it.

     _‘It may as well have been.’_ You think to yourself, your misery growing steadily worse. _‘I killed them first.’_

    Weakly you lift your hands again, ‘I promise. This time no one will be hurt.’

    The skeleton gives a cheery chuckle, **“heh. forgive me if i don’t believe ya, kid. kinda hard to have any faith in you at this point.”** He pulls out one hand, and you bite down on your lip to keep back a panicked gasp as you feel the all-too-familiar grip on your SOUL. **“i’m just gonna tell you now, buddy. so long as i’m standin’, you’re not going past that bridge. you’ll have to kill me, first.”** His grin stretched, **“heh**. _**Not that that’s ever stopped you before**_.”

    No, no no no this can’t happen! You won’t be able to help anyone if Sans keeps you trapped here! You have to make him listen! You have to get him to believe you!

    His eye flares blue, and you immediately grow tense, shutting your own eyes and preparing for death or something even worse-

    “SANS! WHERE ARE YOU?!”

    The both of you freeze, and Sans quickly releases your SOUL, putting his hands back in his pockets and reverting to his usual relaxed slouch. In spite of how tired and frustrated he is with this game, he always, always sticks to his script for Papyrus. No matter what is happening in reality, Sans fights to keep his brother feeling safe and happy.

 _‘He loves him so much_ _…’_ Your gut is wrenched by another sharp stab of guilt. How many times have you separated them..?

    Sans tries to push you away, out of his line of sight, which you’re more than willing to let happen, but the younger skeleton is too energetic and quick for both of you. You turn around, and already Papyrus is standing behind you, his eyes wide and his jaw dropped comically low.

    He points a gloved finger at you, _“_ _IS THAT A HUMAN???!!”_

    Well...it’s far too late now. Sans is silent for a second, undoubtedly contemplating just killing you right now and trying again, to avoid getting his brother involved at all. But in the end, he decides he can’t murder while Papyrus is watching.

 **“yeah, bro. pretty cool, huh?”** Sans observes you curiously, like he only has a mild interest in your intentions.

    Papyrus claps his hands to the sides of his face, _“OH MY GOD!!”_

    You can’t help but smile. You wave at him slightly, admittedly happy to see your friend again. Even if he doesn’t remember you, at least he’s always excited to see you. Only because he plans to capture you, but still…

    “SANS! I FINALLY DID IT!! UNDYNE WILL...I’M GONNA...I’LL BE SO…”

    While Papyrus is distracted by saying his lines, you can feel Sans’s gaze shift back to you. You shut your eyes and shiver, flashing back through every time you’ve ever killed the innocent monster. Your sins burn as they crawl up your back. You’ll never be able to repent for that. Never.

    You hear the younger brother clear his throat and quickly look back up at him as he begins his usual ‘threat’, “HUMAN!! YOU SHALL NOT PASS THIS AREA! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL STOP YOU!!!”

    Yes, he would.

    “I WILL THEN CAPTURE YOU!”

    Yes. You decide that you can let that happen. It would make him happy. Somehow, you’re sure that Undyne will keep him ignorant, so he can retain his innocence.

    “YOU WILL BE DELIVERED TO THE CAPITAL!!”

    You swallow, fighting bravely to keep a polite smile on your face as your stomach drops to your feet.

    “THEN! THEN!!” Papyrus pauses, as always, and looks to the side, as clueless as ever about Asgore’s intentions towards your SOUL, “....I’M NOT SURE WHAT’S NEXT.”

    You are. You are very, very sure.

    “IN ANY CASE!” Luckily the skeleton is too excited to notice your expression slipping into one of dread, “CONTINUE...ONLY IF YOU DARE!!” Cackling like the excited child he is, Papyrus turns and rushes off, most likely to immediately stand guard at the first puzzle.

    The silence between you and Sans is chilling. You don’t wait to let him decide whether or not to kill you. Instead you rush off after Papyrus, not wanting to risk the danger of being alone with the older brother. You touch your hand to the next SAVE point as you pass, ensuring that Sans won’t send you back. There’s no time to waste with death and reloads.

    If you take too long, then you might change your mind. And you can’t afford to let that happen.

 

    Of course the puzzles are even more simple to you than they were the first time around. Usually you breeze right through, delighting in how Papyrus would marvel at your ‘skill’. But this time around, you pretend to struggle a bit, letting the skeleton believe that he has presented you with a real challenge. You even let yourself get shocked a few times at the first puzzle. Not too much, though. Again, you can’t just let yourself loiter - if your thoughts are left unoccupied, you’ll begin to reconsider your plan.

    To make up for the time you spend ‘solving’ Papyrus’s puzzles, you constantly tag at his heels like a lost puppy, even managing to keep up with his long strides in spite of your much shorter legs. It winds you, but you push through it in spite of your breathless panting and the sting of cold air in your throat. For a few moments you even manage to have fun. Papyrus can always put a smile on your face, no matter how down you are feeling. It’s his special gift. You hope he’ll be able to use it for a long, long time to help a lot of other people.

    At last you reach Snowdin. You’re a bit wounded from brief skirmishes with other monsters, but you don’t stop to buy anything from the store. Not that you have any gold. Fleeing from fights doesn’t exactly pay. You don’t want to try and beat Papyrus, anyway. He’s so excited to capture you, you may as well let him.

    You put up a good fight, though. You dodge a fair amount of his attacks, letting him believe that you aren’t just letting him take you. If he suspected that at all, then he’d become worried. And you can’t let that happen.

    And so you lose, and pass out from the effects of his attacks. As always, he heals you up after putting you in the garage, and so you’re not at all left to suffer. You’re woken up prematurely, though, when he excitedly rushes out to go and fetch Undyne immediately, slamming the door a bit too loudly behind him.

    Sighing, you move yourself so you’re at least lying on the dog bed instead of concrete. You’re exhausted from...well, everything. You’ve never rushed through the path so quickly before. You didn’t take a nap at Toriel’s house, and you haven’t really given yourself a chance to rest since you woke up amidst the flowers. Even though it’s cold in here, you curl up and pull your oversized sweater up so it’s covering your nose. With your knees tucked against your chin and your arms wrapped around your legs, you eventually feel warm enough to fall asleep. Hopefully, when you wake up, Undyne will already be there.

    If not...well, then being left alone here, with such an easy way out, will be your biggest challenge.

 

    You don’t wake up to Undyne. You wake up to your back suddenly slamming against a stone wall. You’re still too dazed to give much of a cry, and so merely murmur something along the lines of ‘ow’ as you slowly pick yourself up.

    Only to be abruptly jerked back, your shoulders and arms pinned to the concrete as you blink and shift your feet. You jolt when you realize you’re staring at Sans. His eye is _burning_ with blue energy, and his hand is held out, keeping you restrained by your SOUL.

    **“even i can get sick of jokes, kid.”** Sans says through his teeth, **“so how about you just go ahead and tell me the punchline of this little act of yours? cause, to be honest, i’m gettin’ reaaal tired of your guessing games.”**

    At least he’s finally giving you time to explain yourself.

    Swallowing, you give a nod, stumbling a bit when you’re allowed to drop back to your feet but otherwise staying upright. ‘I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore, Sans. I know I did awful things, to you and everyone else. I know you won’t forgive me, because I don’t deserve forgiveness. That’s okay.’ You try to smile, but the impatient look on the skeleton’s face you hurriedly continue, ‘It took a while but...I’ve figured out how I can save all of you. Forever.’

    Taking in a deep breath, you close your eyes and turn the palms of your hands towards your chest, cupping in your fingers as you concentrate. You wince at the sickening but tolerable feeling of invisible strings slowly tightening between your hands and your heart. A few times you give a stuttered, pained gasp through your teeth, but you’ve practiced this enough, now. When you open your eyes, you can see your SOUL sitting on your palms.

    It’s glowing a gentle red, pulsating along with your heartbeat. Having it outside your body feels...wrong. Seeing your SOUL so...raw and exposed and vulnerable...it isn’t right. Survival instinct tells you that more than enough.

You hold your SOUL against yourself and resume signing with the other, ‘I’m going to give my SOUL to Asgore.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you enjoy angst, be sure to check out my other fic, _Merciless._  
>  Thank you, darlings~


	3. The Gift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frisk isn't sure they can go through with this sacrifice without help. Sans is there to make sure they keep to their promise.

  You hold your breath as you watch Sans process everything you just told him. He’s staring at your SOUL with an unreadable expression. As much as you want to say something, to ask him to believe you, your tongue won’t move. You helplessly watch and wait for him to make up his mind.

**“....why would you do that, kid?”**

    ‘Because I love all of you. And I want to fix what I’ve done.’ You frown as Sans laughs at that statement, ‘Please believe me Sans.’

 **“oh i believe you’re just full of LOVE, pal.”** The skeleton winks at you, but you can see the anger in his eyes. **“and that’s the problem.”**

    Your hands begin to tremble, ‘Don’t kill me. I don’t know if I can convince myself again. This is really scary, Sans. Please. Let me do this. Papyrus will finally stay happy-’

    Sans’s glare suddenly narrows sharply, eyes blackening, _**“** **don’t you DARE bring Paps into this!”**_

    You shrink back, ‘I’m sorry.’

    Your chest begins to ache, and you quickly put your SOUL back against your body and reabsorb it. You give a sigh of relief, closing your eyes as the feeling of wholeness sinks back in. To prepare yourself, you’ve practiced keeping your SOUL outside your body for increasingly longer periods of time. It hurts. The first time you tried, you didn’t last for more than a few seconds. And the pain was so bad you’d spent half an hour crying afterwards, holding your hands to your chest and shaking.

    Now, though, you’ve gotten strong enough that you can last about seven minutes before showing any signs of pain. That will make it easier for Asgore to accept your SOUL. Even though he’s killed you so many times, you know his conscience burdens him. You don’t want to add to that weight.

    ‘Where is Undyne?’ You ask.

    Sans shrugs, looking off to the side, **“** **not sure. should be on her way, if Paps manages to convince her that he's actually caught a human. so, ya know...if she shows up, it'd be great if you'd keep pretending to be one.”**

    You wince, sitting down against the wall and pulling in your knees, ‘I don't know how long I can wait.’

     **“you're in a real rush, huh** **?”** Sans chuckles, grin tightening as his patience begins to wear even further.

    ‘I'm scared, Sans.’ You confess, chin trembling, ‘I could RESET anytime I want. I could go back. I could save my SOUL. But then everything would go back. I'd keep RESETTING again and again, and…’

**“so why don't you just stop, huh? get us to the surface and maybe don't kill us all?”**

    You lower your head, ‘I can't.’

**“you're just too much of a _filthy_ _murderer_ _,_ huh?”**

    ‘I did something really bad, Sans. Something I can't change. I've tried everything. I'd try so hard to stay in control. I'd run away, as far as I could. One time I even tried to…’ You swallow, ‘...tried to get rid of myself for good. But I can't even die. There's too much DETERMINATION in my SOUL. So...so I have to...give it away.’

    Sans stays quiet. You keep your eyes down. It's hard to stop trembling, ‘Sans, I need you to make sure that I do.’

  **“...heh. don’t worry, kid. Undyne’ll make sure you don’t go anywhere.”**

    ‘But-’

    The door to the shed is thrown open, and you quickly get to your feet as Undyne herself storms in, spear brandished at her side as Papyrus follows after. She has a look of doubt on her face that instantly vanishes the moment she sees you. Her eye twitches a bit, with that glimmer of faint recognition that she always had when she looks at you.

    “SEE, UNDYNE?! I DID IT! THE GREAT PAPYRUS HAS CAPTURED A HUMAN!” Papyrus points to you, as if Undyne might miss you otherwise.

    “You’ve gotta be kidding me..” Undyne mutters under her breath, squinting at the wide bars of the cage that couldn’t even hold in a horse. She glances to her side and notices Sans, “Oh. _You_ were...guarding them?”

    The lazy skeleton gives a shrug and a grin, **“** **uh, yeah. guess so.”**

    You walk up to the captain, waving your hand to get her attention, ‘Are you going to take me to the Capitol?’

    She squints at you, lips twitching up a bit to express confusion at your hand movements, “...what are you trying to do?” Undyne asks suspiciously, raising her weapon a bit.

     **“they asked if you were gonna take ‘em to the Capitol** **.”** Sans translates, leaning back against the wall and closing his eyes.

    Undyne turns to look at him, “Huh? You understood that?”

    The short skeleton cracks open one eye, **“** **yeah. they’re speakin’ in hands. Paps and I both know how to read that.”**

    “YES! JUST ANOTHER ONE OF MY MANY TALENTS!” Papyrus strikes an even prouder pose, putting his fists on his hips before pointing at you, “HUMAN! I SHALL SERVE AS YOUR INTERPRETER TO KING ASGORE!”

    You, Sans, and Undyne, all immediately think the same thing: no. Undyne thinks you’re going to be killed, and doesn’t want Papyrus to know that he was responsible for your execution. You and Sans know that what you’re planning may or may not be worse. Either way, you all silently agree that he can’t come along.

 **“uh...hey, Paps, why don’t i go** **?”** Sans suggests as casually as possible, stepping forward, **“i mean...it’s about time i started pulling my weight, right? you were the one that caught ‘em, after all. i should help a bit too, right?”**

    Papyrus seems shocked, as he stares at Sans with a dropped jaw, but he recovers a second later and gives an ecstatic and knowing grin, “AHA! I SEE, YOU’RE FEELING LEFT OUT OF THE FUN!” He puts both hands on Sans’s shoulders, “BROTHER! I WILL TRUST YOU WITH THIS TASK! MEANWHILE, I SHALL GO BACK AND RE-CALIBRATE MY PUZZLES! ANOTHER HUMAN MAY COME THROUGH, AND I MUST BE PREPARED!” Papyrus turns to smile at you, “GOODBYE, HUMAN! I SHALL ATTEMPT TO CREATE CHALLENGES EVEN GREATER THAN MY LAST ONES! COME BACK AND TRY THEM OUT...IF YOU DARE!” And with that, Papyrus practically sprinted out the door with a characteristic ‘nyeheheh!’ and left the three of you in a much more somber setting.

    Undyne sighs, but the look of guilt and pity she had given the door after the taller skeleton left immediately disappears when she looks back at you. Your polite smile falters under her glare. Even after you befriended her, Undyne was always intimidating. And now that she’s expecting you to die...so that monsters can wage war on humans, all of which are viewed as evil, hateful beings.

    Timidly you repeat your question about going to the Capitol.

    “Yeah? Where else would we be going? The park?” Undyne growls, stepping through the bars and grabbing your arm before immediately marching you out. You have to run to keep up with her fast pace, and her grip is uncomfortably tight, but you keep quiet about it. Sans follows after the both of you silently, managing to keep up by teleporting forward when Undyne isn’t looking.

    You try to keep rushing along for as long as you can, but you are only able to go so far before your legs begin to ache. Once or twice you stumble and trip, until eventually you fall down and catch yourself with your hands, panting heavily and trying to catch your breath.

   **“heh. ya might be goin’ a bit too fast there, Undyne** **.”** Sans says, his gaze fixated on you seemingly in only casual concern. You can sense the underlying suspicion though.

    As quickly as possible you get back to your feet, shaking your head and trying to assure her you’re fine. You just want to get this all over with as soon as possible. Being tired is honestly the least of your problems.

    Undyne gives a huff, glaring down at you, “I thought humans were tougher than this.”

   You give a small gasp of surprise as Sans picks you up and slings you over his back.  **“yeah, well. this one is kinda small.”**

    You’re tense at first, but eventually you just obediently relax and wrap your arms around his neck. It’s been a long time since you’ve been carried by the skeleton. You forgot how much you missed it.

    **“don't get too comfortable, pal.”** Sans quietly warns you as he continues moving along behind Undyne, **_“one wrong move and Asgore will have to scrape your SOUL off the floor.”_**

    You wince, but nod against his shoulders and loosen your grip slightly, no longer feeling as safe as you used to when being carried by Sans. He's so on edge, even though no one could guess just by looking at him. At one point you moved one arm back to scratch your nose, and Sans immediately grabbed your wrist and held it tightly enough to bruise your skin. Clearly, he had been expecting you to pull out a hidden knife or other weapon. You decide that your nose doesn't itch as much as you thought.

    When you finally exit the last elevator, you begin to feel your heart start hammering against your chest. You obediently slip off of Sans’s back and start walking again towards Asgore’s throne room. Immediately you clasp his hand, ignoring his instinctive reaction to pull away and clinging tighter. You hear the skeleton sigh through his teeth, but he allows you to hold on.

_“What do you think you're doing, Frisk?”_

    Chara. They've finally realized that you're truly going to go through with this plan. And they are not happy at you for it.

 _“This isn't your SOUL to give away!”_ They hiss, _“RESET right now!”_

    You can feel them try to take control. But in spite of all of their DETERMINATION to do so, they can't. That was part of your deal - so long as you were Underground, you were in charge. They had promised to let you go back to the world you had destroyed. Only when you reached the surface could Chara take full control.

  _‘I'm sorry, Chara. You didn't give me any other choice.’_ You think as you walk through the house that Chara once lived in, ever closer to making your sacrifice. _‘I tried everything else. I showed you again and again that everyone here is your friend. I killed again and again to try and satisfy you. I worked with Alphys and Sans to try and find a way to stop you. But you just keep killing...it took me too long to realize that you don't have any MERCY in your heart.’_

_“So you're going to kill me?”_

    You frown at Chara’s attempt to guilt you, _‘You won't die. I know how SOULS work - you’ll be alive. You just won't be able to control a body. And that seems to be the only way to stop you.’_

    _“You think I can't take over Asgore’s? If the coward ever actually absorbs the SOULS...and supposing he does, he's going to wage war on humanity. Countless people will die. Is that what you want?”_

  _‘I'm going to talk to him. I'll convince him not to fight. He doesn't want to, anyways.’_ You give a small whimper and duck your head away from Sans as you walk through the Judgment Hall. You can feel the skeleton tense up as well, and he gives a forced chuckle before teleporting to the other end of the room. Neither of you want to stay here. _‘...and Asgore is strong. Besides, there are six other SOULS. You can’t take control.’_

    Your feet stop outside the door to Asgore’s throne room, and you clutch Sans’s hand tighter. He pauses, looking down at you. Your breathing has gotten quicker and shallower, and you’re struggling to bring it under control.

    Chara immediately plays on your fear, _“Do you know what it’s like to be SOULLESS, Frisk?”_ They ask gently, _“You thought the physical pain was bad...do you know what happens to your mind? To you? Just look at what happened to Asriel. He can’t feel anything. And it turned him into a murderer. Is that what you want to become, Frisk?”_ They give a chuckle, _“Well...more of one than you are already...but you won’t feel any remorse, anymore.”_

 **“kid…”** Sans puts both hands on your shoulders, leaning down so his face is more level with yours, **“don’t back out on me. you said it yourself. there’s no other way to save us. and after everything you’ve done...well, let’s just say that you more than owe it to us.”**

   _‘He’s right.’_ You shut your eyes tightly, blinking away any threat of tears. Firmly you nod, looking up at him and forcing a brave smile. He’s right - you owe it to them to go through with this.

    The skeleton gives a smile back in response. But the underlying disgust in his expression...it breaks your heart. You look away, walking past him into the throne room. From this point, you can’t have any more hesitations. No more second thoughts.

    You can hear Undyne talking with Asgore as you walk in. You shut your eyes against the bright light of the throne room, blinking to clear the spots in your vision. The king’s head is hanging, and Undyne has a hand on his arm, looking like she’s trying to encouragement.

    They look up and see you standing amidst the flowers. You smile at Asgore, giving a small wave hello. He doesn’t seem to know how to respond.

    You turn around, and are relieved to see Sans slowly making his way inside. **“sup your Majesty.”**

    “ _Sans oh my God_! Don’t talk to the king like-!”

    “It’s quite alright, Undyne.” He reassures, giving a sad smile and putting a large paw on her shoulder. “Did you need something?”

     **“nah. i’m just here to serve as translator for the kid.”** Sans nods his head at you, leaning back on his heels a bit, **“they’ve got somethin’ to say, i guess.”**

    You nod, turning yourself so you can see both Asgore and Sans. You’ve thought long and hard about what to say and how to say it. And now’s the time. Sans echoes you out loud as you sign.

    “Your Majesty, I know about the six SOULS. And I know about the barrier, and how you need a seventh to break it. But I also know about how you plan to wage war against humanity.”

    Asgore flinches and looks away. You pause, trying to keep yourself from rushing over and hugging him to assure him it’s all okay.

    “I want monsters to be free. But I want them to be safe. I don’t want lives lost over a war. Humans have done terrible things to you. But all those humans are gone. And I’m here to finally make peace.” Closing your eyes, your hold your hands in front of your chest, brow furrowing in concentration as you once again tug on the invisible strings around your SOUL. It hurts, like always, but you keep the pain hidden under a calm expression. When you open your eyes again, the little red heart is sitting in your palm, pulsating gently, “I’m here to give you my SOUL. But on the condition that you tell everyone that it was a gift. You have a chance to make peace with humans on the surface. I don’t want lives lost. There’s been too much death already.” You walk forwards towards the shocked king, holding out your SOUL with surprisingly steady hands, “Please. For the future of humans and monsters...please take it.”

    Asgore stands there in silence for a long time. His head is lowered, but you can see the tears in his big sad eyes. You reach out and take his hand, which practically swallows yours, and put your SOUL in it. He winces. “Human, I…”

    “Please take it, King Asgore. There doesn’t need to be anymore death. This is a gift - you don’t have to kill another human ever again.”

    His eyes close, and slowly he closes his hand around your SOUL, holding it gently. “...thank you.”

    There’s tears on both sides, but yours are at least out of happiness, for now. You hug him tightly, and he puts one arm around you. Finally...finally they’re all going to be free. Eventually you step back, wiping your eyes and smiling at him.

    Almost quickly you turn and walk out of the throne room, leaving Asgore and Undyne still in shock. Your feet feel like lead as you force yourself further and further from your SOUL. All of your body is screaming at you to go back for it. Every instinct is telling you not to leave it behind.

    But you had no choice. And you don’t regret it.

    As you walk down the Judgement Hall, you suddenly stumble onto one knee, gasping as you hold a hand over your heart. It’s still beating. But it’s as though it isn’t sure it wants to, anymore. Your body feels like it wants to collapse in on itself. There’s such an overwhelming sense of emptiness, it’s almost unbearable.

    You shut your eyes tightly and slowly stand back up, breathing out through your teeth and gritting them tightly against the pain. You’ve gone longer than this without your SOUL, but never with it so far away. You figure that you won’t last much longer.

    And that’s alright. You don’t want to live like this anyways.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that's quite the shame, Frisk.


	4. Hollow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The symptoms of being SOULLESS do not include death.

  You aren’t quite sure how you made it back to Snowdin - it helped that the elevators were working, you supposed. Although that was because Alphys wasn’t trying to win your friendship, because she didn’t know who you were...and never would. You’d die being nameless to everyone.

    Except Sans, anyway. But you’re fairly certain that he _wants_ you dead.

    Panting, you curl up tighter on the snow, your arms wrapped around your torso and your fists pressing against your heart. The cold atmosphere makes the pain a little better, but in spite of it, you’re still sweating heavily and have a boiling fever. Every time you think that the pain has reached its climax, it only gets worse.

    Your whimpering goes unnoticed. You’ve collapsed near a tree that’s far into the snowy woods, away from the town. You couldn’t bear the thought of people that you’ve killed numerous times trying to help you, worrying over you, or at all feeling sorry for you. Several times you’ve considered going back to the Ruins, to ask Toriel to take care of you in your last hours.

    But she’s lost enough children already. As lonely as you feel, you won’t do that to her.

    “Howdy!”

    You struggle to open your eyes, squinting at the blur of gold and green standing out against the snow.

    “Golly, this sure is a big mess you’ve gotten yourself into!” The flower says happily, tilting its head and staring at you with creepily bright eyes, “Giving away your SOUL...you really are an _idiot_ , aren’tcha? Did you think that you could atone for everything you’ve done? For every time you’ve killed them and their friends?”

    You start shivering in spite of your fever, wincing and curling into a tighter ball. It feels like you should have collapsed in on yourself already. You wish it wasn’t taking so long.

    “Aw, you got a tummy-ache, best friend? That’s a shame.” Flowey giggles, holding a leaf over his mouth, “A shame that you think that that’s the worst thing about being soulless.”

    You roll onto your back, shutting your eyes against the brightness shining down from the Underground’s ‘sky’. Flowey leans over your head, giving one of his creepy smiles. “The pain doesn’t go away, Frisk. But don’t worry - soon you’ll grow numb to it. You won’t be able to feel _anything_.” At your somewhat content expression, he laughs, “Oh, I’m not talking about dying, Frisk! That’d be too kind for a _murderer_ like you, don’tcha think?”

    Your eyes widen slightly, pupils shrinking. You aren’t going to die? Then...what…?

    “Your SOUL is the very culmination of your being, remember? You don’t need one to live. Just look at me!” The flower giggles, grin widening, “No, you’ll stay alive. Butyou...everything that you are, will fade away.”

    “N..n-no!” You struggle to sit up, to get his face out of yours, but another bout of pain knocks you back to the ground easily.

    “Oh yes, Frisk! Everyday, a little bit more of you will be gone. Your memories, your ability to love and feel loved, even your sentience! You won’t even be aware of your own existence, at the end!” Flowey gives a delighted cackle, looming over you, “I always wondered what it would have been like to lose a SOUL completely! See, I’m not _entirely_ gone. My dust was scattered over this flower - some of my essence still remains! But _you_ …” He laughs again, like it’s just too funny, _ **“You’ll be nothing at all!”**_

    A choked sob escapes you, and you roll onto your side, hiding your eyes behind your hands as if that can shield the truth from you. You’d been prepared to die. You’ve done it so many times that you don’t fear it anymore. But dying in _this_ way...by losing more of yourself every day until you no longer even have a _consciousness_ …

    Shivering, you force yourself up to your knees, trying to expose yourself more to the freezing wind of Snowdin. If you freeze to death out here, then..then you won’t have to go through all of that. You’ll die like you had expected to, and everything will be fine.

    “Golly, pal, you look cold! It’s not too good an idea to stay out here for so long! Don’t worry. I’ll get you help!” The flower gives a smirk and a wink, “After all, what are best friends for?” And with that, he disappears underground, and you’re left alone.

 

    Half an hour later, you’re still sitting up on your knees, arms wrapped around your waist as you tremble in the wind. Where are you, even? You remember walking far, but you don’t know how far away you are from home. Why’d you come out here?

    “Over here, Papyrus! Do you see them?”

    You hear quick footsteps, and then a voice, “HUMAN?! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?!”

    Your eyelids have frozen shut, so you can only vaguely look in the direction of the voice. “Pap!” You hold out your arms excitedly towards the skeleton, grinning wide as he quickly picks you up and wraps you in his scarf.

    “WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE?! IT’S NOT VERY GOOD FOR YOU TO BE IN THE COLD FOR SO LONG!”

    You must have gotten lost while exploring the woods behind your home. You’ve never seen it covered in snow before - you’re excited to share your first winter with your new family. They’ll love Christmas. You just know it.

    Even though Papyrus’s running is less than smooth, you find yourself relaxing and beginning to nod off. Mom will scold you for going out in the cold so poorly dressed, but she’ll probably make you hot cocoa and have you sit near the fireplace. You smile at the thought as you fall asleep.

    Finding your family is the best thing that’s ever happened to you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's probably just delirium from being nearly frozen to death, right...?


	5. Home...?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frisk gets a reality check from their good pal Sans.

“ SANS! ”

Papyrus’s booming voice wakes you up, and you give a quiet whine of protest, grabbing the scarf that’s wrapped around you and pulling it in closer. You’re still shivering badly, but at least the ice has melted from your eyes enough that you can open them a bit. You look around the house as Papyrus slams the door behind him, and your brow furrows. Something isn’t right.

“ **yeah, wassup bro** ?” Sans asks from his reclined spot on the couch, where he seems to be watching...it must be an old episode of Mettaton’s show, since he’s still a giant calculator. Had he gotten those onto DVDs or something? You wonder why you haven’t heard Papyrus raving about it.

“ I FOUND THE HUMAN IN THE WOODS! I DON’T THINK THEY’RE VERY WELL, BROTHER! ”

Sans stiffens, and then slowly turns his head to look at you, his natural grin faltering a bit, “ **huh. well, that’s weird.** ”

You sit up a bit, rubbing at your sore, swollen eyes and smiling at the smaller skeleton, “Dunk!” You greet cheerfully, using the nickname that comes easily to your awkward tongue.

Sans gets up immediately, not looking away from you for a moment,  **“what was…”** He turns his glance up to Papyrus,  **“hey, i’ll get ‘em tucked in my bed. how bout you make ‘em some of your spaghetti, Paps?”**

“ EXCELLENT IDEA, BROTHER! PAPYRUS’S SPAGHETTI WILL HAVE YOU BACK TO FULL HEALTH IN NO TIME, HUMAN! ” The taller skeleton assures as he hands you over (mostly down) to Sans,  “NEXT TIME, IF YOU’RE LOOKING FOR MY PUZZLES YOU SHOULD ASK ME FOR HELP!”

Puzzles? Papyrus must have felt nostalgic after seeing the snow, and started making ‘human traps’ like the old times. You nod at him, hugging Sans around the neck and relaxing against him as he carries you upstairs. You notice that he’s a little tense. He’s probably just worried about you. You feel bad for not being more careful. You didn’t mean to upset anybody.

When you get to Sans’s room (why didn’t he just take you to yours?) you’re suddenly thrown down on the floor, and the door is slammed shut behind Sans. You give a pained cry, turning over so you can sit up. You’ve skinned your knee on the wooden panels.

**_“So what in the hell are you up to now, kid?”_ ** Sans growls at you, his eyes glowing brightly as he stares you down, hands in his pockets,  **_“You were supposed to never come back. How does trying to squeeze yourself back into Pap’s life fit into your ‘not gonna hurt anybody’ plan, huh?”_ **

You slowly scoot away from Sans, pupils shrinking as he looms over you. ‘What are you talking about? This isn’t funny! Why are you hurting me?!’

Sans stares at you for a moment before laughing, although it’s obviously not out of amusement. **“wow, kid. you really need to know when to let a joke die. it isn’t funny the millionth time around, you know.”**

He’s scaring you. “D-Dunk-”

**“don’t** ** _call me that_** **!”** He throws out his arm towards the air, his eye glowing brighter for a moment.

Nothing happens.

His eye twitches, and his furious scowl fades back into a forced grin.  “ **..heh. guess that trick won’t work on you now, will it?”**

You choke on a sob as you get to your feet, backing away against the wall. “Wh-wh-wh-y-y..?” You ask, voice shaking as you cower away from him. Why is he hurting you? What did you do wrong? All you did was get lost in the woods…

**“because you don’t have a SOUL, anymore. did you forget? can’t imagine how you’d manage that.”** He answers the wrong question, shoving his hands back into his pockets and leaning back on his heels.

“...wh..?” Your eyes squint up, and you stand up a bit straighter. What does he mean ‘you don’t have a SOUL’? Of course you do. To prove it you try to summon it a bit, just enough to make it glow like it always did during battles. Why would he think that you didn’t-?

…...nothing happened.

Eyes widening, you put a hand to your chest, trying again.

...nothing happened.

You start gasping in panic, sliding down to your knees and putting both hands over your heart, straining your concentration. Are you just too tired from the cold? Maybe you’re just not seeing properly…?

_ ‘Where is it?!’  _ How could you have just  _ lost _ your SOUL?! It’s the most important thing in the world to you, aside from your friends and family. What...what’s going on?!

‘Where’s my SOUL?!’

Sans narrows his eyes at you.  **“...seriously, kid?”**

‘This isn’t funny! Where’s my SOUL? Did...did  _ you  _ take it..?! Why?! Why would you do that?!’

He suddenly materializes in front of you, grabbing the wrists of your hands to stop you from signing and glares at you,  **_“if you don’t knock this off, you’re gonna have a bad time, pal.”_ **

Those words spark something.

Your eyes widen, and you can see a snowy ground, covered in dust with a lone red scarf. You can see Undyne melting away in front of you. You can see Flowey shaking in front of you, looking at you with an expression of fear that you’ve never seen before. You can see a golden hall, the floor covered in  _ blood _ so much blood…

You can remember watching through your own eyes as you swing out a knife, cutting straight through your mother’s throat. You can remember trying to scream, trying to stop yourself. You see a red crayon draw a line through her face in an old photograph.

You watch as you hand over a glowing red heart, putting it directly into Asgore’s giant, fuzzy paw. You run your hands over the cold skin of your arms, frozen from lying in the snow and listening to Flowey cackle over how you’re going to lose yourself. Frozen from sitting up in the cold wind, trying to die before anyone can come help you.

Your eyes are wide by the time you’ve finished remembering. You stare ahead, looking through Sans. Already?  _ Already _ ? How can you be losing it this quickly? You didn’t even fall back to a  _ recent _ memory! Your first time reaching the surface was...you don’t even know how long ago.

...no wonder Sans was so furious about you trying to call him dunk-...

You feel a tear fall down your cheek, and your chin begins to tremble. You’ve ruined everything - you came back here, into Papyrus’s care. He’ll find out eventually what you did, and he’ll feel terrible, and...and..

Your eyes shut tightly and you lower your head, starting to shake. You completely lost yourself. You genuinely believed that you were on the surface, that Papyrus had known you for years, that Sans still..loved you…

“I’m-m-m s-sor...s-s-sor-ry..” You choke, clenching your hands into fists even as Sans’s grip on your wrist begins to cut off the blood flow to your fingers. He drops you in disgust a second later, backing up as you fall forward and brace yourself up on your hands. Tears start hitting the wood. “I-I’m s-so-sor-ry..” You repeat, as if that’s going to do any good.

Sans wants to kill you. You don’t even have to look at his face. You can just  _ feel _ it. The atmosphere of the room is thick with pure hatred.

But you won’t RESET. That means that Papyrus will know what he did. Even if Sans explained to him all of the terrible things you’ve done, he would never believe that you couldn’t change. He’d never forgive Sans for hurting you.

Funny, how now your ability  _ to _ die inside of  _ not _ die is what’s protecting you right now. 

It’s even funnier how you don’t want that protection at all.

And it’s just hilarious how badly Sans wishes he could take it from you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you know what 'dunk' is supposed to be, _don't spoil it for people who don't know._ It'll be more heartbreaking to figure it out later.  
>  <3


	6. At Least You Tried

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frisk's attempt to leave everything behind is rudely interrupted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning for dark stuff and whatever

You try to eat the burned spaghetti with as much enthusiasm as you can muster. Which is, unfortunately, nothing. Papyrus notices and tries to get you to tell him what the matter is. You just say that you're tired. Eventually he gives up on trying to get you to talk, but he continues to try and cheer you up.

As much as you wish you could smile for him, you can't. When he hugs you, you accept the embrace, leaning into it and trying to keep your chin from trembling as you do so. You've ruined everything. You hadn't meant to get Papyrus involved. You just wanted to go home, and had forgotten that you don't have one anymore. Because you sacrificed it for curiosity.

You find yourself sitting on the couch, watching Mettaton’s show with the two brothers. Papyrus keeps chattering on, trying to make his happiness infectious. Sans laughs along with him, but you know it's forced. How does he do it? How does he keep chuckling and smiling and telling jokes like nothing is wrong when everything is?

Shutting your eyes, you lean against the couch arm and pretend to fall asleep. As you expect, this prompts the brothers to leave for their rooms. You overhear Sans persuading Papyrus that it's fine for you to be left on the couch, eventually succeeding. The lights are turned off, and you sit up at the sound of both doors closing. There's not a lot of time.

After folding up the blanket neatly and laying it on the couch, you tip-toe over to the door and slowly pull it open, shivering at the cold wind and wincing at the creak it makes. Hopefully you haven't given yourself away-

“hey.”

You freeze, and then quickly turn your head to look at the small skeleton behind you. His eye is flaming blue and yellow, and you wince. What is he going to do?

“......don't come back.”

Those are the only words he has to say to you before he disappears back to his room, and you disappear out the door. Your departure involves many more tears than his. He's glad to see you go. He probably knows exactly what you're planning to do, and he's happy about it…

...he has every right to be. After all that you've done, you know that you don't deserve a single kind thought.

 

 

Snowdin wouldn't have worked. You'd gotten yourself lost pretty far into those woods, but Papyrus had still found you. You had to find somewhere further. Somewhere you can't be brought back from.

There are several places in Waterfall that offer you that option. You're staring into one of them right now as you stand on the boardwalk at the bottom of the rock puzzle. It's so black down there. You feel like the darkness is tangible.

Your feet stay at the edge of the wood, and your arms are crossed tightly around your torso, hands tucked against the sides of your chest. You're scared. You're so, so scared. Dying in a blizzard had been less terrifying, maybe because there was a chance for you to change your mind. An escape. It would have been slow, and you wouldn’t have really seen it coming.

This, however...there is no going back from this one. Once you take the step, you're finished. How deep does this pit go? How long will you be falling before you finally hit the bottom and die?

‘Don't think about it.’ Your thoughts whisper, ‘Just jump. Do it. If you don't you'll only keep hurting them more.’ Giving a shiver, you step back, shutting your eyes. You let out a breath and rush forward, your feet leaving the ground as you finally jump.

A hand grabs the back of your shirt and you give a scream of surprise and frustration as you’re yanked back to the platform, “What the hell do you think you’re doing, punk?!”

You thrash wildly against the grip, but it’s futile. You know Undyne’s strength is more than yours, and you can’t hope to match it. She drags you away from the edge, back up next to the river, where she sets you down on the ground and holds you in place forcefully by your shoulders as she kneels to match your height.

“...how are you not dead?”

You shake your head and give a sob, drawing in your knees towards your chin. You hadn't planned on having to survive after your sacrifice... maybe it's best that you didn't. If you'd have known how hard this was going to be, you wouldn't have gone through with it at all.

"Asgore thinks you've fallen. Everyone does. No one can live without a SOUL, so how are you...?" Undyne squints and you and then gives a frustrated growl, shaking her head, "Ugh. You can't even talk, can you? Why am I bothering?"

That's a good question. You wish that no one would bother with you.

She's silent for a moment, and then looks up from the dirt to your face. "Were you trying to kill yourself?"

You hesitate, but then give a miserable nod. What else would you have been doing?

"Damn." Undyne mutters under her breath, "...I guess...not having a SOUL would be a special kind of hell, huh?"

You sniff, wrapping your arms around your legs and leaning your head against your knees.

Giving a frustrated groan, Undyne pulls you back to your feet, still keeping a hold on your arm, "C'mon...maybe Alphys can help."

Shaking your head furiously, you dig in your heels. No. No you don't want to drag anyone else into this. You've hurt your friends enough already. And you know you don't deserve the pity and MERCY they would show you.

However, Undyne definitely has more determination than you, now. And she refuses to let go. "Look, I'm not gonna leave you here so you can off yourself!" She gives a huff, turning her gaze away. The anger in her expression dies a bit. "....you know, I thought...I thought humans were pretty awful...I mean, you're the ones that trapped us down here in the first place! But...seeing you give your SOUL away to Asgore like you did...smiling, and..fearless." She sighs. "...I guess that...maybe you all aren't so bad."

You stare at her for a minute, swallowing and feeling your lip tremble. If she knew...if she knew how many times you've willingly slaughtered them all, in hopes to spare yourself from this fate...

"...so I'm taking you to get help!" Undyne snaps, looking back at you, "You've set the entire Underground free, you know? And damn it if I'm gonna just let you die! You're coming with me, and Alphys is...she'll find a way to fix it!"

She starts to pull you along again, and you follow, sighing. You give up. You're too quietly desperate for relief, for some sort of impossible cure, to be anything but selfish.

 


	7. Do You Understand?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Undyne have a bit of a short chat.  
> It's all that's needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S SHORT I'M SORRY IT'S GARBAGE I'M GARBAGE

You sit on the metal table silently as you hear Alphys and Undyne talking in a separate room. It would sound like an argument to you if you didn't know better. Undyne is just naturally loud and intense, as much as Alphys is nervous and timid. You can't make out what they're saying but it's probably a pep talk to Alphys - the poor lizard is so unsure of herself.

Your shoulders slump lower and you stare at the ground as you remember how much she'd changed on the surface. She'd been stronger, happier, more confident and brave. Her friends had helped her get there, through years of support and encouragement.

...and you took it all away.

Quickly you wipe away a tear that escapes, sniffing and trying to pull yourself together as the two finally emerge from the side room. You smile at Alphys and give a small wave.

She gives a nervous smile back, “H-Hi, I'm, uh...I-I’m Alphys…”

In response you sign out your name. She squints at you and pushes her glasses up a bit. You frown. Why does she seem so confused?

“They can't talk. They only speak in hands.” Undyne explains, starting to search around for something, lifting entire desks to look under them for whatever it is she's trying to find.

You watch in confusion. They  _ know _ sign language. You taught them yourself. It'd taken a few months but Alphys is smart and Undyne had Papyrus to train her too. Everyone had learned. Why are they pretending not to know?

Eventually Undyne finds a notebook and a pencil and hands it to you, “Here. Use this. We can all read at least.”

‘Why are you pretending?’

“The  _ paper _ , human, take the pencil and write  _ on the paper _ .”

‘But-’ Wait. No, no they  _ don't _ know ASL. Not anymore. They  _ had _ known but they don't remember anymore. Because you RESET. How could you forget that?

Your hands shake a little as you take the pencil and notepad. You  _ know _ how you can forget that, and it scares you.

‘Hello Alphys. My name is Frisk. It's nice to meet you.’

“Oh..” Alphys blinks at the words, tapping her claws together and giving a nervous but happy smile, “N-nice to meet you t-too...you're the…” She clears her throat a bit, glancing away, “...th-the s-seventh SOUL, right?”

‘Not anymore.’

“That's why I brought them here. They gave away their SOUL and then tried to…” Undyne shifts her jaw a little, crossing her arms, “...they're in pain.”

You nod. That's true. The ache in your chest hasn't gone away. It can even be crippling sometimes.

“O-oh!” Alphys's eyes go wide with concern, “You p-poor….poor human, o-of course I'll help you!” She whirls around, her tail swishing slightly and causing the papers that Undyne knocked off the desks to go spinning across the floor.

Undyne and you are left alone for a bit while Alphys disappears into the back. She doesn't look at you, so you try not to look at her either. It's awkward to her but it's heartbreaking to you - you used to be such good friends. Why did you erase everything?

“Why'd you let Papyrus catch you?”

You look up, blinking in surprise. ‘I wanted him to be happy.’

“You knew about the Barrier, though, and the number of SOULS needed to break it. You even knew you were the seventh SOUL.  _ How _ ? I know Papyrus didn't tell you, and I doubt Sans could keep his eyes open long enough to explain our history.”

The pencil in your hands is switched back and forth between your fingers as you stare at the notepad. How are you going to answer her? 

‘I don’t want to talk about it.’ 

Undyne stares at you, “...what?”

You underline your already written words.

“Seriously?! You’re trying to just shrug this off?!”

Although you know her frustration is genuine, you don’t let her anger phase you. Most of it is just for show. ‘Yes.’

“...unbelievable.” Undyne mutters, tightening her fists at her sides.

‘You shouldn’t have stopped me.’

Her eyes widen, “Excuse me?! What the hell makes you think I would’ve just let an innocent kid like you kill yourself-?!”

_ “N-NO-NOT!”  _ You suddenly scream, slamming your hand against the metal table you’re sitting on, looking angry for maybe half a second before you break into tears. Your hand shakes as you fumble with your notepad. ‘I don’t deserve MERCY you don’t understand you don’t know what I’ve done..’

“What kinda horrible crimes could you have committed to make you worthy of death?! What’d you do, steal from the candy store? You’re just a kid!”

‘I’ve killed. I’ve killed so many times you don’t understand...I sacrificed other people for my own protection hundreds of times.’ You take in a shaky breath, wiping your sweater sleeve over your eyes to keep tears from dropping onto the paper, ‘I don’t look like a murderer but I am. Giving my SOUL to free monsters is the only thing left that I could do to try and redeem myself. It’s not even close to being enough to make up for what I’ve done but it was all I had left.’ You give a shaky breath, chin trembling, ‘Do you understand?’

She just stares. You can feel her check your STATS, and she won’t be able to see past the lies that a fresh timeline presents. What would your LOVE be if it didn’t RESET with the timelines? You shudder to think.

Both of you are silent until Alphys returns. She hands you a small vial of green liquid and encourages you to drink it. You take it with a forced smile, swallowing it all.

“Does it help?”

Not at all. ‘Yes Dr. Alphys. Thank you.’

She smiles, and you know you’ve helped her confidence just a little by lying. “Y-you’re welcome! Uhm, did...wh-what are you g-?”

You get off of the table and walk to the exit.

“...going...uhm...g-goodbye! A-and…”

You pause as the doors to the LAB slide open.

“...th-thank you, Frisk..”

Your eyes shut and you turn your head to the ground. You leave without another word or gesture. Undyne doesn’t follow to make sure you don’t hurt yourself. You’re not sure how but you know that she believes you. It must have been something in your eyes or expression. When Alphys had reentered the room you saw her pull back her shoulders and lower her arm to her side, ready to summon a spear at a moment’s notice should you move to harm her friend.

The red dirt of Hotland crunches under your feet as you take the long route back to Snowdin. It’s where he’s most likely to be, and he’s got the answers, so you need to talk to him. You need to find Flowey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GARBAGE


	8. Soulless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Frisk visits Snowdin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need to stop it with the introspection

You've stopped caring whether or not anybody sees you.

Yes, you can hear the monsters you pass by whispering about how you're the human that sacrificed your SOUL, the one to save all monsters. You can feel them staring at you in awe and pity. It makes you grit your teeth and walk faster. If they _knew_...if they _knew_ how many times you've killed them in cold blood...how many times you've stepped over their dust as you've felt your LV raise, your power growing...

You can look at each face and remember the look of fear and horror as you ended their life. Some fought. Some ran. Some just stood there in shock. Their reaction hadn't mattered to you, at first. You'd hunt them down if you had to. It was just a matter of completing a goal. Of marking off a checklist of requirements that just happened to involve murder.

But you remember when you started to enjoy it.

At first you'd blamed Chara. You'd told yourself that you were just sensing _their_ feelings, _their_ sadistic delight in the sensation of dust at your fingertips. You give a dry laugh as you recall trying to convince yourself that you _weren’t_ 'evil', because you _weren’t_ enjoying it. You remember trying to excuse yourself, because you were exempt from consequences. What was so bad about killing somebody if in the blink of an eye you could bring them back?

You didn't know the answer until you finally wanted them to come back and _stay_ 'back'. You thought you could just go back to the surface and start again - you'd satisfied your curiosity and your hidden desire to kill. You'd smiled into the sunrise as you stood on the surface, walking off hand in hand with mom as you all headed off to start your new life.

And then you faced your consequences.

It'd been only mildly annoying at first. You went back and tried again, saving the Underground, breaking the barrier, bringing your family to the surface...

Only to wake up and see yourself kneeling in their dust.

It took several times for you to start to get scared.

You'd started pleading with Chara to stop hurting them - you'd told them they'd killed enough, that it was time for both of you to move on and let everyone be happy now. They just laughed at you. You could spend days and nights begging with them, trying to barter something, _anything_ , that you thought might convince them to spare your family and friends.

You'd just feel their sick smile on your face as they swung out with their knife and killed again.

But why had it taken you so long to feel guilt again?

You step off of the Riverperson's boat onto the snow, eyes tired and dead as you trudge into town, ignoring the stares and whispers. Why had it taken you so long to feel _anything_ about killing your friends? Are you really that heartless? Have you really just been seeing them as pieces of a game?

Your gaze flickers to the side as you pass by the shop, watching the bunny behind the counter chat with a customer.

'Please don't hurt my family'

You'd only read the hastily scrawled note a few times. The first time you looked at it, you winced. You felt something stab at your heart, and you had RESET, losing your nerve. The second time you just hesitated, and then crumpled up the note. The third time you read it, you were just...unreactive. It was nothing, at that point, to you.

Everything was. Every life and plea for MERCY was nothing.

"HUMAN?"

Eyes widening, you turn and see Papyrus rushing right for you. His face is etched with concern. You step back, looking left and right for some sort of escape. Instinctively you think about reloading a SAVE before remembering that you can't do that anymore.

"HUMAN! I WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU! YOU WEREN'T THERE FOR BREAKFAST SPAGHETTI! I CHECKED MY PUZZLES TO MAKE SURE YOU HADN'T GOTTEN TRAPPED BUT YOU WEREN'T THERE EITHER!" He reaches out a hand towards you and you step back again, lifting your shoulders. "...HUMAN?"

You keep your gaze emotionless as you watch his shins, unable to lift your eyes to his face. He stares at you a moment before reaching out again, slower.

"THERE IS NO NEED TO BE AFRAID, HUMAN! THE GREAT PAPYRUS HAS NO INTENT ON CAPTURING YOU!"

This time you shove his hand back, gritting your teeth, "N-no-o.." You growl, brow furrowing as you clench your fists.

He gawks, and you can sense passers-by doing the same as they stop to watch the scene play out.

"Do-o-on-n't t-t-to-ou-c-ch.." You grumble.

"...O..O-OKAY! THAT'S FINE! YOU DON'T NEED TO BE GUIDED ANYWAYS, I SUPPOSE! YOU KNOW WHERE MY HOUSE IS AFTER ALL-!"

"N-o-ot-t go-oin-ng." You say stiffly, narrowing your eyes. You feel a dangerous burning pressure building up behind them as your chin quivers. "L..l-le-av-e.."

"HUMAN-?"

'I don't want to be friends.' You finally force yourself to sign, every finger stiff as you do so, 'Leave me alone.'

"...BUT-"

This time when he steps towards you, you shove him back, "NO!"

The look on his face forces you to turn and walk away quickly before he can see you start to cry. When you reach the tree line you start to run, sobbing quietly as you run as far from the town as possible. You don't stop until the pain in your chest acts up again, forcing you to fall to your knees and brace your hands to your sternum, taking in shaky breaths and crying out in pain.

"Golly, Frisk! That was _cold_ of you!"

You close your eyes and grimace as you hear Flowey's voice from in front of you, "Fl-low-w-ey.." You mutter, wincing at another sharp ache and curling over yourself, panting.

"Yep! It's me, best friend! Or, I guess you don't _want_ friends anymore, huh? You've dusted Papyrus hundreds of times but I've never seen you hurt him like _that_! Who knew you could be so soulless?" He starts cackling, but immediately stops when you start weeping, putting your face in your hands and soaking your palms with tears.

You hadn't wanted to hurt him. You'd just wanted to keep him away from you. Although you know he'll probably come looking for you anyway, or at least send another sentry, because he's worried about you. He cares too much to let unkindness stop him.

"...alright, stop it already, you crybaby!" Flowey snaps at you, sounding uncomfortable, "When has crying ever made it better for you anyway?!"

Taking in a sharp, deep breath through your nose, you suck in your lips and slowly sit back, wiping your sleeve across your eyes and giving a shaky sigh, 'Sorry.' You sign. At least with Flowey being able to remember through RESETS, he can still understand you. He'd been very reluctant about learning ASL, to put it lightly, back on the surface when you'd taken him with you. But he'd gotten fed up with not understanding you and begrudgingly put in the effort to learn.

Of course, these past hundred or so RESETS, it's not like you've really talked with him. So he's probably a little rusty.

At least he recognizes 'sorry'. "Hmph. Well, isn't it hilarious to have you finally say _that_! But nothing like an apology to make up for dozens and dozens of _murders_ , right?"

'What's being soulless like for you?'

Flowey squints at you, presumably taking the time to work out your message. "...what?"

'I feel a lot of pain...and emptiness. Like I'm missing something important. Is this what you feel?' Your eyebrows furrow in concern as you look at him, 'Have you been in pain this whole time?'

For a good half-minute he's just silent, staring at you before huffing and looking off to the side, "Like I said - you grow numb to it."

'I thought you meant that I would because I'd.' You pause, biting at your lip and swallowing, 'I'd stop feeling _everything_. You said it only gets worse.'

"For _you_ it will. I mean. I don't know. Not like anybody's ever been stupid enough to give away their SOUL before!"

'Then how do you know about it?'

He gives a dark smirk, "Because I've taken SOULS before, of course!" He says cheerfully, "I've tricked monsters into summoning their SOULS and then taken them away! I wanted to see what would happen."

You shudder, not exactly comfortable with being reminded just how cruel this flower can be, 'And you said they-'

"Lost themselves! Their memories became more and more confused until eventually they were forgetting their own names. They couldn't recognize any family or friends. They forgot how to speak after a while, too! Then they were like stupid, mindless animals." Flowey rolls his eyes, giving a scoff, "It was funny until everybody would start crying about it."

You're tempted to scold him for being so cold about the subject, but wisely decide that you're in no position to be lecturing, 'So the pain stopped?'

"I don't know. How could I? It's not like they would talk to me if I kept them prisoner and if they went home then I couldn't hear or see them because they'd hole themselves away!" Flowey frowns at you, sneering a little, "Does it hurt that much, bestie?"

'Yes.'

"Don't you think you _deserve_ it for everything you've done? For all the pain you've caused your 'friends'?"

'Where's mom?'

Flowey squints at you, looking abruptly confused, "What?"

'Where's mom? Where's my mom?'

"What, Toriel? She's still in the Ruins, stupid. Where else would she b- _hey_!" Flowey shouts at you as you take off running, gasping in panic as you try to find your way out of the woods.

"M-o-om!" You cry, feeling terrified as you see the darkness setting in. You've changed your mind about leaving. You know you promised her you wouldn't come back, but you don't want to be out here anymore. You're lost and scared and everyone keeps trying to hurt you...

Eventually you stumble out of the woods, your face and arms torn up from branches and brambles scratching at your skin. You recognize the sentry path and run until you see the giant door. You pound your fists on it, "M-m-mo-om!" You sob, bracing your cheek against the cold surface as you cry out for her, "I-I'm s-s-so-or-ry! I-I d-do-on't w-wa-an-n-t to l-le-ea-v-ve! _M-M-o-om_!"

There's no response.

You sink to your knees, weeping and curling up against the door. The sky starts to gradually get darker, and your crying has tired you out. You slump against the giant barrier, sniffing and shutting your eyes. "I-I-I'm-m s-s-so-or-ry..." You whimper, drawing your knees to your chin and shivering, "I-I'm s-s-so-or-ry.."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what you get for guilt-tripping me. EXTRA PAIN (wait shit that's only going to encourage you guys)
> 
> For those wondering why Toriel didn't answer, it's just because she's, well...she's just not THERE right now.

**Author's Note:**

> This will rip your heart to pieces, if I do it right.  
> 8)  
> I hope you stick around~


End file.
